Yesterday:

...the coldness gave us an excuse for intimacy to keep ourselves warm.

...from being able to take my breath away, you made me feel alive.

...the mere sight of you made my heart beat faster.

...there was security with our sleeping and waking up next to each other.

...i experienced the kind of love i thought only happened in fairy tales. the kind of love that opened my entire being. the kind that made me see the goodness out of everything, even in me. the kind of love i thought would last a lot longer than this because i can't see my future without you in it.

Yesterday, we were together.

Today:

...the snow is more lonely than cold and the chilliness has nothing to do with winter.

...breathing is harder and inhalers don't help. a pack of smokes don't, either.

...except for this rapid banging that won't subside, my chest feels hollow.

...i can hear my stomach rumbling but the need for nourishment has completely abandoned me.

...i can hardly keep my eyes open but my system refuses to shut down even for a minute.

...i experienced the kind of pain i've read only in books, seen in movies and heard from friends who have had their harts shattered into a gazillion pieces. It's the kind of pain that is juxtaposed to the realization that my worst fears don't just reside in my mind - that it's come true. the kind of pain that comes from saying words that i don't ever want to hear again. words that reverberate in my ears long after you've said them to me. the kind of pain that gets you inside. and just when i thought i couldn't hurt anymore, it started hurting physically - it's harder to breathe and my guts feel like a ton of brick.

Today, you're gone.

Tomorrow:

...the snow will melt. winter will be gone and i hope with the changing of seasons, the pain goes away, too.

...i will learn how to breathe again. When i inhale, i'll take in everything that's still beautiful even if you're not here to share it with me. And when i exhale, i'll let go of the regrets, one by one.

Tomorrow i'll let you go.